Sometimes I think we’re alone. Sometimes I think we’re not. In either case, the thought is staggering.

R. Buckminster Fuller

You know you’re a drunkard when…

• You measure time by drinks, as in: “Hold on a shot, the movie doesn’t start for another four beers.”
• You hate it when your lightweight drinking buddies get so drunk you can barely see them.

• You think the only thing worse than warm flat keg beer on Sunday is no warm flat keg beer on Sunday.

Modern Drunkard Magazine

What the hell is a radish anyway? It’s like an apple did it with an onion.

Nelson, The Simpsons

High impact lead poisoning.

A prosecutor on NPR, using a euphemism for being shot.

As captain of this vessel the terrible burden of naming a limbo contest winner is mine and mine alone.

Zap Brannigan, Futurama

Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones: it bones for thee.

Bender, Futurama

Who needs courage when you have a gun?

The Wizard of Oz talking to the Cowardly Lion on a Futurama spoof.

The future is disgusting!

Fry, on Futurama, after learning that everything — including the food he eats — is pre-used and recycled.

I’m so wasted right now.

Will Farrell’s first words on The Daily Show interview.

Find the truth. But look for it! Don’t just sit there and wait for it to find you.

Francis Collins, on The Diane Rehm Show