I tried this week to shame my two oldest kids into good behavior. I tried to make them ashamed of how they were acting. Or perhaps a better description is that I tried to make them want to avoid behaving in a way that they would regret and be ashamed of.
That’s a method of parenting I normally try to avoid. I picture myself attempting to lead my children in the right direction. I don’t want them to simply fear punishment or the consequences of behaving selfishly. I want them to want goodness. I want them to notice that I choose the good path when parenting them, and when a spanking would be the quick and easy way to force compliance with some point I instead invest my time encouraging them to get on the good path with me. I hope they one day say, “I’m glad dad spent that extra time.”
But occasionally I don’t meet my own standards, like this week, when I tried to make them ashamed of what their angry words to each other and their shoving match said about them.
And that’s what made this quote so poignant when I read it. And I’m still pondering its implications.
Shame is a bully and Grace is a shield.
via A Holy Experience – What Christians Need to Know about Mental Health.